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She told me there were a couple. She proceeded to point a few guys that I knew of that most women thought were attractive. Then she told me one of the guys was me! I had suspected, but was still a little shocked that she told me. Of course, I told her there were none for me... had to pull her chain a little!I finally confessed that she was the one I had thought about; I could sense an uneasiness with her as if she were saying something she shouldn't (being that we were both married) So I. We dated for about a year. A year I refer to as the‘Blue-Balls’ year. We were married in the spring of’98 and all was right in the world. Money was our onlyproblem. I was barely making enough money to cover thenecessities and the rent on a crappy little apartmentdowntown. I was working as an accountant with a local firm but Icame to realize the firm and I were going nowhereslowly. I began to look around and a recruiter turnedme onto an opportunity with the construction firm,. She told me that if ... when you found out ... I wouldn't be able to control the consequences. She was right of course."In my own confused mind I thought that if I told you what I wanted to do, you would understand somehow. I didn't want to go behind your back. I didn't want to deceive you. I never for a moment wanted to humiliate or belittle you. It just never entered my mind. But I did, didn't I. I did humiliate and belittle you. Just telling you what I wanted was enough, wasn't it."I looked. How did I get here, what was I doing here? I cast back through my still half-asleep mind, trying to figure it out. Nothing, my memory was a total blank. "Hi." I glanced over, startled. A little girl was sitting in a chair to the right of the couch I was on; apparently she and I were the only ones in the room. I put my head in my hands, trying without luck to wish the cobwebs away. "Hi," I replied to her, my voice sounding very odd and muffled through my fingers. "Are you okay?" I looked up,.
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